The Heart That Went Numb.

After two unsuccessful try at a relationship,I decided it was not worth the stress and placed the “crime scene,do not cross” tape across my heart. I’d face my books and have something to be celebrated about,that was when the ministry of ElPosh Events was started. I received accolades from all and sundry,girls of my age were busy trying to make fast cash while I was trying to create a future for myself, I consoled myself with these accolades and was quick to find an excuse when anyone asks me “how come you are single?” And the subject was dropped. Guys who are not sure of themselves dare not approach me as I’d drill them to the point which they’d cower in submission,anytime I seeped the last drop of courage from a guy,I felt good. I had successfully built a wall of ice around me, a wall I thought no guy could break even if he was from hell, I was icecold.

*

I saw this request on my bbm, like other random request, I accepted it. He had a picture of his product (he makes shirts) on his display picture so I just dismissed it as one of the guys who probably wanted us to work together,not until I saw a picture of a well-built topless guy with tatoos in nice regions of his body staring at me. He had changed his display picture, I have always had a thing for bad boys,*covers face* so I was tempted to ask if that was him and he replied in the affirmative,he then asked me to send me a picture of myself(I use the outfits picture most time,the picture of the beautiful events ushers whom I work with),I said I was busy, he lashed out at me,saying I was not busy to ask about his dp but I was too busy to send a picture. Interesting,a guy I just met was questioning my guts. I sent him a flimsy explanation and he insisted I sent a picture of me and I did. I don’t start chats normally but this dude frustrated me to the point that I dare not pass a day without paying homage. He was cocky,blunt,interesting and I couldn’t help falling for a boy who could counter my every move. He knew what to say at every point in time,he melted my wall of ice and made me drop all my “fronts”,my attitude did not as much as shake him. I was attached to him. I would use his works as my dp and his pictures sometimes. He called me and we chatted on bbm almost everyday. All this while I made it seem as though we were friends until he said he liked me. I just laughed over it and dismissed it.

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Then I realized, I was getting too involved, I got my act back and frustrated his life to the point when he had to complain bitterly, I didn’t want him to see my weakness so I coated it with meanness, all this while he kept doing things he knew I didn’t like to get back at me. He had earlier threatened to delete me,when we first met and he said I was too full of myself. I had told him to go ahead,he added I should delete him if I was not going to talk to him but I insisted he deleted me since he added me. Three hours ago, we had a mini confrontation and I deleted him. I am still my own boss. Love stinks. Right now I must admit I feel bad and I miss his cockiness in a way but pride will not allow me re-add him. He is older,far from me and I think he has a girlfriend. I’d hurt him before he hurts me. I am still the Icewoman I have always known myself to be. Sentiments must be done away with. If he readds me,fine,if he doesn’t he can kiss my ass goodbye. I will simply not be bothered. Xoxo.

Adebisi.